Pavlovate and Getting to Gratitude

* Pavlovate: From Pavlov and salivate. The anticipation response to a signal that precedes a physiological response, e.g. the sound of the grinder produces response of desire for coffee sans the drool.

Having alone time in the house can’t be beat, and I am glad the Ken has some when I work on the weekends. In spite of the fact that I enjoy the people I work with, lately, I notice myself complaining about working on Sundays. When I start complaining it is usually something else.

I know how to complain, why I complain, and how it works for me. I know I complain to avoid my real feelings, and how to work it through. When the question is it live or is it memory it is usually something in my head. I have to access my Memory Folder. Most people would simply refer to this as memory, but my ADD requires me to give this cognitive structure a more technical label. Whatever you call it, it’s a pain when stuff get piled up, misfiled or never filed. When I seem scattered I probably am.

Back to the memory Find the S Folder.Looking for Sunday.Schedule.School Shoulds.No Sunday folder -must be archived.Since I am here, I look at the “Shoulds”file. Wow. The “should” files used to require a whole cabinet, now it's down to only one drawer. On the next purge, I just may re-purpose some of them or just rename them. Maybe not. I don’t have to think about that now,I just know I can't rid of all of my “shoulds.”

Humans need ”shoulds” to keep the species going or to just keep them from running into traffic. Can you imagine an adult with the “shoulds” of an 18 month old?I am reminded of a contrary 21 year-old father of a three-year-old boy who told me: “I would rather have my son ‘stand up for ‘his self’ than give in, even to me.” Yikes! Babies having babies.

This is what happens to me I start to work on one thing and go off on an tangent;get distracted.Inconsistent routine and fatigue are big contributors.

Sundays and “shoulds” are not in the same location in my brain anymore. Years of Sundays are collapsed into abstracts. Caution. Always proceed with caution when reading abstracts. The smaller size can belie the power of the content. Add that to the fact that negative content tends to be much more concentrated; and reconstitution can be toxic.

I start to overuse metaphors when stuff is not pleasant.I must have gotten too close to toxic content going through abstracts.I randomly think, “ It’s easier to work with the stain of loneliness because you can see it and do something about it.”Man, stain sounds like a laundry problem – and I hate laundry problems.Why you complaining about laundry?“If loneliness somehow gets woven into the whole of your fabric, it takes much more time to unravel.”What!“It’s a lot of hard work that seems pointless because it’s the past.”Just keep writing through the muck, stop trying to sound smart and get out of that folder!

Is it true that you eventually learn who you are, what to keep and what to discard? Being balanced is an ongoing process.I don’t want to relive feelings of the past;I don’t need to that.I just don’t want to accidentally discard or misplace a good thought that I might need one day - when I am old.

I know it seems like I got distracted from looking for the Sunday folder.But I got to the root of the problem. There it was in a sub file in the Sunday folder, in the loneliness file,a shared sub file with the Fear Folder:Loneliness on Sunday

Update the system! My Sundays are not lonely anymore; they don't need to be avoided or complained about.Make gratitude the default folder.Thank you.

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